To follow rules or not to follow rules

Why are people so hung up on rules? I have a theory that if we followed every rule we were ever given, that it would not cause Christ to smile at us and let us in to Heaven based on that alone. So what is the real catch then? What is their true purpose? I’m convinced that people worry so much about following the letter of the law they handicap themselves. Thoughts?

Do you think maybe it would be wise to follow the intention of the rule rather than the rule itself?

 

Oh oh…and it’s my birthday. So give me some good discussion…you know as a birthday present 🙂

Biz tip #1

I’m constantly surprised when I run into business owners who are still figuring out really simple tips and tricks to reducing their overhead or just plain old doing things a little simpler. It’s why these Mastermind groups are so popular though. Tons of people coming together and sharing a pool of knowledge so that everyone can get on the same page FASTER instead of wasting money and time working harder instead of smarter.

Business tip #1 – need a cute graphic but don’t have the funds for a professional peep? Try out a FREE program Canva.com. You’ll be blown away at what you can do for free to up the quality of your social media posts.

They say graphics get more views than status’ and videos get more views than graphics. But if you are still learning this social media thing…start with graphics. Canva makes that learning curve a heck of a lot easier.

When you’re broken

She asked me, tears in her eyes, how I got over that first heartbreak.  Years later from what happened, I still choke back the dryness in my throat as I thought about that.

I didn’t.

There was no answer I could give to soothe.  No immediate relief.  Every cliché had only made me angrier, every Bible verse though I knew it was true was a slap in the face, and every step I took into the world as who I was at that time made me weep.  I didn’t feel whole…I knew she didn’t feel whole.  I slept on that feeling of knowing there was nothing I could do to ease this suffering.  Thinking about that pain again and remembering feeling as if it would never end.  And then I realized there was something I could offer.

Hope.

I understand.  The things you are afraid to say, the horrible things you are thinking about yourself, and the guilt you feel over still wanting something that you know won’t work. The humiliation and the fear.  The fear at what you are supposed to do now.  Let me give you hope in the truth.

Over this journey I learned there was a huge difference between getting over something and just moving on.  There are some things you don’t just get over.  You can’t.  It’s almost a genetic code that’s part of your blood…you could as soon bleed yourself dry as you could rid yourself of the pain of their absence.  But that’s exactly how you feel.  Hollow.  A husk.  Trying to live half alive.  As if they are the light, blood and breath that make your life more than just putting one foot in front of the other.  More than just getting through another day.

In the beginning, you think you will never feel right again.  You even forget what it was to be happy, to not wake up to your heart clenching because they aren’t there, and to the absence of that pain.  That blinding, overwhelming pain that now defines your waking and nightmares.  Logic only makes it worse.  For those of us who think through everything, we crave the opportunity to just be emotional.  Cry, scream, pour our heart out and let it out of our blood.  And no matter which end you are on…logical or emotional…you come to the same place eventually.  You know nothing will ever make it right again.  You cannot…cannot…go back.  No matter how big of a fool you make of yourself, no matter how tightly you hang on to those memories, and no matter how you cling to that last part of yourself that is slipping away with what was…you can’t go back to that moment.  Because everything is different now.  Your previous happiness would be fear now.  Your hope of the future would be a frantic decline to resignation of the inevitable.  Nothing has changed.  Everything has changed.  There is simply nothing you can do.

So you get angry.  Bitter for a while if you are still dealing with it emotionally.  Good and angry if you are ready to be logical.  Did you deserve this?  No.  Is there something wrong with you?  No!  How could anyone be so cavalier with something so precious…did you cause their actions?  NO!  Instead of the timid and wept “yes” you had answered before, each resounding “no” becomes louder than the last.  As if they have any right to continue to dictate your life after they ripped your heart out.  As if you would continue to crawl after them, satisfied with their leftovers they knowingly leave for you because they need your tears and broken heart to feel wanted.  As if you would live your life waiting for someone who didn’t have the class to treat you like a human being.

And somewhere in this anger is where you are ready for truth.  Ready for hope.  Finally embracing a change you did not want. You begin to realize that very few things will hurt you the way this did.  Why be so afraid of change now?  Maybe it is time to put away the person who is still clinging to the past…and become someone who is ready for the future.  Because let’s face it, that broken person is no more.  She was destroyed in her innocence with the loss of what made up her being.

Like a butterfly abandoning its cocoon, you might be afraid of that first flight if you hadn’t left all your fear and pain in that empty husk behind you.  How could anything compare to that?  How could anything not be better compared to that?  You leave behind the weak side that couldn’t have known how to fly…because all you were content knowing was the ground.

How do you get over the loss of someone who defined your life?  A parent?  A child?  Your first love?  A spouse?  Why are we expected to pretend we are ok with the loss of something we cared about?  Pretend as if it never happened?  But here is where there is hope in the truth.  People want to box you into how you should deal with this because your pain inconveniences them.  Close your ears to match your heart for a moment and hear this.  The truth, my love, the truth is you don’t have to forget about this, but you do have to move forward.  Truth is you don’t have to pretend to be ok, but you do have to let yourself grieve.  Cry.  Why should you be expected to flip a switch inside and just stop caring?  You poured yourself into this.  This meant something to you and it is gone now.  Cry.  Letting go of anything precious deserves grief.  Losing anything that you put passion into deserves to be marked with grief.  Grieve that loss.  Truth is you don’t have to be angry at yourself, but you must learn from this if you want to be alright.  Truth is you won’t feel this way forever.  Truth is even if you went back to that moment, somehow, that nothing has changed.  You will just be waiting for the same thing to happen again…and you both know it.  Truth is you were given a gift.  It doesn’t feel like one.  It may not feel like one for years.  You can’t change the truth though.

The truth is you are about to blossom.  Put your hope in the fact that everything that made you who you were comfortable to be has been stripped away.  This is you.  This is the beginning.  Anything is a possibility.  You can chase after the most impossible dream you ever dared to dream; because even if you fall short anywhere between here and there, no fall will come close to this one.  Wipe the tears from your eyes my love…because this is where it truly gets beautiful.

I know you don’t believe yet, but I promise it’s possible to live with the past. Not forget it. Not pretend it ever happened. Truly LIVE. You just have to figure out how to accept change you didn’t want. Don’t let it numb you. Let it ignite the real you.

When asked if everyone should go to college I said…

I was honored to be asked to be part of a video series a local buisness was doing for students looking towards what career to choose. Since I’ve completely embraced the gig economy, they snagged me to talk about how I decided on what I’m doing & how I learned about the business I chose.

Then they asked, on video, if I thought college was important for every student. I hesitated. I know the answer that’s been shoved down my throat. I know the answer that prompted past bosses to treat me differently.

I know the answer I’m supposed to say to kids watching the video. But I couldn’t say it because I honestly don’t believe it. Is college for everyone, I said after a long hesitation? No. It’s not.

I tend to think of people as having two kinds of work personalities. The ones that need an immersive experience to help prepare them, build habits, & build their peer network they will work with & rely on in their industry.

Then there’s the type that creates that work flow. They build their own networks. They find mentors instead of professors. They get certifications instead of degrees. They start with low rates for clients instead of a classroom & then launch to a bigger market with they’ve passed the test.

Do I think everyone belongs in a college spending a lot of money to get a degree? No. Do I think it might get you there faster? Absolutely. You get what you pay for. But if you can build it and enjoy the journey…build it and save yourself 100k.