I have a theory. And if you bear with me, it might make it as easy as it has made it for me to forgive people their cruelties and emotional abusive behavior…whether it is work, school, family or spouse.
Have you ever been around someone who just enough was never enough? No matter what you said, it wasn’t right. No matter what you did, it was the wrong thing. No matter how hard you tried, they would go out of their way so you knew the effort was wasted…just like the husk you were quickly becoming and were regretting inhabiting. The bouts of scathing remarks, barbed comments, double edged compliments that made you wonder what you did to deserve that treatment?
It’s so hard being in that situation. Because your worst fears, your deepest secrets are being vocalized as if they were true. Everything that you wonder about yourself and fear will happen and someone feels like there is enough to truth to it to force your nose in it every time they see you. And you wonder what you could have possibly done to them. What is so wrong with me that I bring this on when they see? What could I have done that was so terrible to deserve it? And the worst thought that never goes away.
What if they are right?
It’s almost impossible some days to push their abuse out of your mind. It affects everything you do, say, wear and go. It poisons your dreams…if you let it.
If you let it. Do you hear me? If you refuse to forgive it will haunt every step of your life.
Forgiveness. Seems such a weak word after everything you go through sometimes. As if it could wipe those scars you bear away…or change the falter in your step these days. But why not? Why write it off? Why not try for some understanding…and take control of that abuser. Take the club right out of their hands and take a good look as the reason they are concentrating so hard on you. Look at them.
Hurting people, hurt people. We have all heard it. And whether you were formerly in an abusive relationship or in one now…most days it sounds like a pathetic excuse. Let me give you something that has more substance though…because forgivness is so vital to leaving them behind and LIVING your life without them.
You see, to them, that pain that you feel, is what they are feeling. And for one moment, for a fraction of a second before guilt and remorse overcomes them again…they feel normal. Do you know why? Because their constant pain doesn’t seem so out of the ordinary when they are inflicting it on someone else. They don’t feel so out of place. So WRONG. For a sickening inexplicable second they are not alone. Their life looks less hopeless if they can convince themselves that yours is just the same. And it’s not you they are even attempting to convince…it’s themselves.
It’s not an excuse. It doesn’t make it right. But think about it…and see if some pity doesn’t come to you that pulls you out of that red haze that consumes you when you are around them. Try for some forgiveness…because who knows…you might help them find it for themselves.